I Dream of Chili Part 2!

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Just in time for Jay’s recent homecoming and only two days after I placed the order, a large insulated box containing six perfectly frozen pints of Ben’s Chili Sauce was delivered to my house.  I thawed one pint of the savory sauce, grilled a few beef brats, diced an onion, and baked a couple of handfuls of Tater Tots (another of Jay’s favorites).  Add a hot dog bun or two, a little mustard, and voila:  Ben’s Chili Bowl was recreated in my own kitchen for my favorite loyal subject!  Cost of chili dog bliss:  $54.00 (6 pints of chili sauce plus FedEx climate controlled shipping).  For the smile that appeared on his face with the first bite, I would have paid much more.

And why would I cook and then consume such a meal knowing that this action would require an extra hour of torturous exercise? Sometimes I like to remind my most loyal subject that he serves in the court of the coolest Queen on the planet!  Now, if you will all join me in singing the chorus of What I Did for Love from A Chorus Line.  (Maybe a good show tune will inspire me to dance off some calories.)  All together now.  And a one and a two and a three…


Dear Mr. Creepy

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Dear Mr. Creepy,

Thank you so much for your recent comment, “Lady, you’re looking better than a grilled steak on a Saturday!”  However odd I found your comment to be, my ego appreciates your admiration.

At first, I was surprised by your presence as I was pumping gas this morning at the Shell station.  Were you hiding behind one of the pumps, you clever little sneak?  Or perhaps, you stooped behind a trashcan waiting for your chance?  Were you watching me the entire time I filled my 18-gallon tank?  I must admit that worries me a little.  You appeared as if from nowhere, so maybe I wasn’t paying attention to you as I should have been.  I usually plaster on my fight face when I notice a creepy stranger staring at me, so good for you for being so cunning.

I must admit, I am not sure how I feel about being compared to charred meat.  Yours has to be the strangest compliment I have ever received.  Did you mean your comment to be a compliment?  Do you enjoy grilled steak on a Saturday?  Does the sight of seared beef make you happy? Or should I be using more sunscreen?  Has a summer in the sun left my skin looking charred, crispy around the edges, reminding you of summer barbecues?  Do you often compare women to grilled meat?  Perhaps you are protein deficient.  If you are feeling lightheaded from hours spent sneaking around gas stations, you may want to eat something.  I wouldn’t want you to pass out while waiting for Mrs. Creepy.

Sadly, I must tell you that nothing can come of our mutual appreciation.  I am a happily married woman; married to a man who does not sneak around gas stations.  Also, you are old enough to be my grandfather.  Not that I turn up my nose at May-December romances, to each their own, right?  But I am not looking for a new romance.  I will be enjoying the steak dinner I married for many, many years to come.

Don’t lose heart though.  I am sure that clever meat line of yours will eventually work on some poor, unsuspecting woman.  Maybe she’ll be pumping gas at that very same gas station.  Your eyes will meet across the parking lot and the chemistry will sizzle.  Maybe she will think you are the mashed potatoes to her steak.  Hopefully, for your sake, she carries A1 rather than Mace in her purse.  Dream big, Mr. Creepy, dream big!

Sincerely,

The Queen

P.S.  What is the strangest compliment you have ever received?  Tell me all about it in the comment section below this post.


Tabata Torture Update

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Yes, I went back for a second Tabata workout and made it through alive!  So what did I learn on Day 2?

1.  The beautiful Australian woman is actually from Great Britain.  Ooops.

2.  The half balance ball thingie is called a “Bosu.”  (Are you impressed by my knowledge of exercise equipment?)

3.  Receiving a high five from a 6’4″ man after completing a set of mountain climbers is great motivation to attempt another set.  (I have no clue why he was so freakishly happy while torturing himself, but he was.  I think his exercise endorphins kick in much faster than mine do.)

4.  My backside jiggles in disturbing ways when doing jacks from a plank position on the bosu.  (Go ahead, try it.  Position yourself in a plank with your hands on a bosu and your legs, feet together, stretched out behind you.  Now stay in the plank while jumping so that your legs spread as if doing a jumping jack and then come back together.  Parts of my body were bouncing that should never, ever bounce!  Thank God I was on the back row!)